Saturday, September 11, 2010

Repost: Rememberance. In Honor of 9/11

Nature paid its own rememberance today...the skies were dull and cloudy and a light rain continually fell from the sky. The emotions in the air were dismal and the city seemed to lag. Six years ago, our lives changed forever, altering this earth as we know it and eternally stamping our history books. There will always be a day when we look back, this will always be an event to be remembered, whether its six years or sixty. Looking at it all, I'm forced to recall how much I've paid attention to friends, family. I know I could do better, but I also feel that I've tried very hard to stick with those that have also stuck with me. Can you say the same? Are you letting work, relationships, or life in general get in your way? How long has it been since you've sat down and appreciated what you have? Are you really grateful for everything that God's blessed you with, or will it be a matter of time before you start wanting more?

Material things are not the answer people....objects break, toys die, colors fade, jewels lose their luster. The strongest, most secure buildings are threatened every day, and some day all of the things we work so hard for, all the money, cars, nice houses, it will all be gone. It's hard to swallow isn't it? I know all too well that it is. We all wish for that cookie cutter life, the one we've been planning since we were old enough to understand the reality behind the brick walls of a school, office, or dorm room. For some, the realization comes fast and lasts long. Something they're tossed into due to life circumstances. A seven year old forced to feed and clothe his baby sister every night, while joining a gang to feel family and brotherhood, selling drugs and running stolen goods to secrete locations to make a couple extra bucks for his family. For others, the realization only happens when all of a sudden life isn't so easy anymore. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a big event like 9/11 to wake up some of the most influential business minded people. Maybe the woman that spent every day at work only to see her children once in a while, buried in duties and running from responsibility. When one day the office down the street catches fire, people are injured, and everything is lost. That day she leaves work early and spends the first day in over a year, playing on the floor with her kids and crying at the little things like their giggle or the chance to bake cookies with them. Of course these are extreme and mediums exist. I'm not saying material things aren't nice and don't make life easier. Hell, I have a dishwasher now and absolutely love it. I'm just wondering how much value we place in all this STUFF when we should really be focused on family, friends and at least trying to LOVE one another and get along.

Someone cut you off on the highway? So what, they must need to get somewhere faster than you do. Pray they get there safely. You're daughter just used an entire can of shaving cream to create her own personal drawing pad on the shower wall? Big deal get down on your knees and draw pictures with her. Have fun. Soak it in. It won't last forever.

That said, what really is the use in all the hate? So your next door neighbor just told you he was gay. Big deal. It's not your job to judge him no matter what you believe. Wish him well, and move on. Your best friend completely ditches you? Ouch. That sucks. Pray, grieve, and thank God for the friends you'll make that will be completely for you and not against you. There is no telling what's in store...and I for one don't want to be the person that regrets missing what could have been the best years of my life because I was too busy complaining about what I don't have or what needs to be better. We all have our tough, lonely days. But its days like that I thank God for my friends and my family because they pull me through. We all need, desire and long for love and acceptance. But the ultimate truth is, whether your religious or not, that really we avoid it. We avoid love from everyone at first at least. We're afraid to trust and give our full hearts. Even when we do we sometimes second guess ourselves.

This is the hardest truth for me to face...I'd rather not be hurt again. I'd rather not go through another heart break..but through each one I've grown and I've learned. Each one has given me something to take back. Some were life lessons, and others were just things I hadn't yet discovered about my own self. Whatever the case, I now know, what it is I don't want and what I do out of a relationship and its helping me be a lot more selective with whom I spend my time. (don't forget this was written in 07...waay before Nick)

Now some of you may read this and claim that its all bull because of today being 9/11 but in all truth its really been things that have been on my mind for a long time. Today just brought a lot of it to light, not to mention some of my own life circumstances have now changed me and the way I look at things. I am no way prepared to handle life on my own, and I believe that first and foremost God, is going to help me do that. But, I also believe that my friends and family are going to be God's helping hands here on Earth for those days when maybe God seems a little far away or I just need a little more help trusting the situations and people around me.

No matter what you believe, please don't just let this be another day you let go by no matter if its 9/11 or not. Let people be there for you, share your feelings and let go of it all. Carrying it around is doing you no good. And please, if anyone out there needs anything...maybe I could be that person for you. So I haven't been before..well theres no harm in letting me try now.

I thank God each and every day for ALL of my friends and family and I'm sorry if you haven't heard that from me in a while. Good days and bad, we always have to remember life's essentials. Live. Laugh. Love




Our Journey towards Making a Family

Long Version : Our Journey Blog Post
Go here to learn about how we got our start..and where we are now!

Short Version:
11-28-2008- Started Dating

2-14-2010- Got Engaged :)

4-3-2010- First Positive Test- Baby 1 due 12/10/10

5-1-2010- Miscarriage at 8wks2days

12-10-2010- Estimated Due Date for Baby 1

5-5-2011- Second Positive Test- Baby 2 due 1-12-12
5-7-2011- We are Married!! :)
5-14-2011- Miscarriage at 5wks2days

6-16-2011- Repeated Pregnancy Loss blood work
6-23-2011- HSG looks good!
6-23-2011- dx positive ANA- Anti Nuclear Antibodies

07-05-2011- Rheumatologist Appointment
7-11-2011- dx Low Vitamin D levels. Start Prescription Vitamin D and baby aspirin

09/2011- Officially No Longer Preventing

10/5/11-First cycle Actively Trying. AF shows up

11/21/11-Celiac Bloodwork Negative, Vit D still lower than normal, start another prescription. Continue prenatals with Vit. D as well

01-12-12-Estimated Due Date for Baby 2
01/12-Vit D in normal range, start over the counter Daily Calcium with Vit D supplement per Rhuematologist.

2/15/12-Appt with new Ob who is more proactive with Progesterone Testing-suspects progesterone issues.

2/15/12- 5/9/12-Stop trying and start new charting method (Creighton) to watch for hormone imbalance.