Thursday, June 23, 2011

Our Journey

Nick and I met and started dating on November 28, 2008.

Nick was working full time in Dillsburg and I was working in a childcare facility in Maryland. I quit my job in Maryland and began working at a Daycare in York City to be closer to him.We moved in together in February of 2009. Or I should say, I moved into his Mom's house, with him.
 We moved into our first apartment together in June of 2009, and our furbaby Lexi, came with us!

We lived in an expensive, TINY one bedroom apartment in Mechanicsburg.

A picture I took from our balcony at the apartment after a snow storm.
Nick and I both started New Jobs after our move. Nick continued to work part time at Dillsburg and also started working full time as a paramedic in the West Shore Area. In August of 2009, I started work full time as a Head Start preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. We got Engaged on February 14, 2010. It was amazing and is still one of my favorite memories.
 We found out we were expecting our first baby in late March/Early April 2010.  We went on our first REAL trip/vacation in Mid April 2010, with our best friends, who are now each other!
I miscarried for the first time on May 1, 2010. I was 8 weeks and 2 days along. The baby was due December 10, 2010.
In June of 2010, Nick and I moved yet again, this time to Carlisle. Nick transferred EMS stations and I VERY happily transferred classrooms. We love our spacious condo. Unfortunately, we had to leave Lexi with my Mom, as our new place does not allow pets. The move to Carlisle was good for both of us. We were less stressed, saving money and enjoying our new place. We were able to start wedding planning!

The view from our Condo :)

That summer was a hard one for Nick and I. After I miscarried, my grandmother passed away. Then, my dad was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident on Father's day. He barely survived and was very close to losing his leg. He is still mourning the loss of his girlfriend, Nicole, who was killed in that accident. We miss her terribly. While in NJ dealing with my father's accident, Nick's grandfather passed away.
Dad and Nicole. May she rest in Peace
Coming back from that tragic span of time was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I did it though, with lots of support from Nick, friends and family, and a few therapy sessions. It was really hard on Nick too, although he tries to stay strong for me, I know he struggles with feeling that everything feels so unfair.

On May 5th, 2011 Nick and I were surprised to find that we were pregnant again! I was very sick and we tried to believe that this pregnancy would stick.On May 7, 2011, Nick and I were married on an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day in an even more beautiful ceremony. I was sick and exhausted but enjoyed every minute! It will always be a favorite memory, obviously.
 On Friday the 13th, just six days later, I received a call from the doctor's office. My test results were back and I was indeed pregnant but my levels were very low and I was to prepare myself to miscarry.
On Saturday, May 14th, 2011, just a week after my marriage started, another pregnancy ended.

This time I was only 5 weeks and 2 days along, the baby was due January 12, 2012. With a second miscarriage, came doctor's appointments. (TMI Ahead, just warning you now...)  We were instructed to wait to try again until after 2 cycles had passed, to give my body time to heal. I have since had a ton of blood work done, and a procedure called an HSG. The HSG went great. My uterus looks great other than being slightly tipped forward, and my  fallopian tubes are a little thin. It wasn't painful really just uncomfortable and a little cramping on and off today.

My bloodwork on the other hand...not so much. It all came back normal...except for one test. One test came back positive for ANA -Antinuclear Antibodies.  This is almost certainly the cause of my miscarriages. It basically means that there is something going on with my Auto Immune System...It could be lupus or a host of other things, such as a clotting disorder...but basically the doctor thinks that my body is attacking my pregnancies like it would a splinter. It thinks it doesn't belong.

I have an appointment to see a rheumatologist on July 5th.  My hope is that with some medication and constant monitoring, we will eventually get our take home baby.

We are struggling emotionally. We are having trouble understanding why. Our faith is definitely not very strong...We know how blessed we are to have what we have...but being so blessed sometimes ends up being a very painful reminder of the one thing you're without.  We know that there is a plan in place...and it's just getting there....

I am very grateful to have my home, a loving and supportive husband, and a great family. Without that I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do. But please keep us in your prayers that we find a solution.
I will update this as we learn more...
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!


  1. I am so sorry that you and your husband are on this difficult journey. I hope your rheumatologist can give you some answers. I'll be really interested to see what they say. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis almost four years ago, but my doctor doesn't think it has anything to do with my loss. I have minimal symptoms and am not on medication. I have no doubt in my mind that you will get your take home baby *hug*And they're going to know how loved and wanted they were!

  2. Oh sweetheart. Huge hugs. Sometimes having answers aren't as easy as we thought, because they aren't they ones we wanted.
    It's ok to be mad at God. He has big shoulders. He can take it. It's ok to ask why. (And believe me, this is coming after a LOT of time...I didn't feel like this right away)
    One day you will look back on this and see how it's made you stronger. As a woman, a wife, and a mom. Yes, you are a mom. And soon you will hopefully have a sweet baby to hold in your arms.
    Just think of how far medicine has come! Think of what they can do now!
    Do your research. (But not too much, you'll go nuts) Find a way to laugh. Make sure to put your marriage first, ahead of the TTC journey. (Trust me on this. I wish someone had told me to put as much time and attention to my marriage as I did the infertility.)
    Know that there are people praying for you and sending you positive thoughts every day.

  3. ((((hugs)))) thinking of you and praying that now that you have answers, you can find a solution!

  4. hi lindsey, thank you so much for you beautiful words on my blog.
    i am so very sorry for everything you've had to endure this past year. i know that the one loss is more than anyone should have to go through and i remember my second more distinctly sometimes, than the others. i know you may not feel so strong at times and there are many questions, but i know and can read from your story, that you and your husband are a strong couple and your love will get you through. i've learned more than i ever could imagine in our journey and where of course, i wish it wasn't this way, sometimes i realize all the crazy beauty it has brought into my marriage and other relationships. i am keeping positive thoughts and prayers for you and your husband and wish you all the best in your journey to motherhood. i am looking forward to following your story!
    i'm glad you found me. :)
    and how awesome, you live in pa! you know, out of all the wondeful women i'm meeting through blogging, you are the FIRST from pa. my brother goes to your area often for car shows! :)
    wishing you a happy weekend!
    ps-i will check my fb and of course, i don't mind a bit. :)


Our Journey towards Making a Family

Long Version : Our Journey Blog Post
Go here to learn about how we got our start..and where we are now!

Short Version:
11-28-2008- Started Dating

2-14-2010- Got Engaged :)

4-3-2010- First Positive Test- Baby 1 due 12/10/10

5-1-2010- Miscarriage at 8wks2days

12-10-2010- Estimated Due Date for Baby 1

5-5-2011- Second Positive Test- Baby 2 due 1-12-12
5-7-2011- We are Married!! :)
5-14-2011- Miscarriage at 5wks2days

6-16-2011- Repeated Pregnancy Loss blood work
6-23-2011- HSG looks good!
6-23-2011- dx positive ANA- Anti Nuclear Antibodies

07-05-2011- Rheumatologist Appointment
7-11-2011- dx Low Vitamin D levels. Start Prescription Vitamin D and baby aspirin

09/2011- Officially No Longer Preventing

10/5/11-First cycle Actively Trying. AF shows up

11/21/11-Celiac Bloodwork Negative, Vit D still lower than normal, start another prescription. Continue prenatals with Vit. D as well

01-12-12-Estimated Due Date for Baby 2
01/12-Vit D in normal range, start over the counter Daily Calcium with Vit D supplement per Rhuematologist.

2/15/12-Appt with new Ob who is more proactive with Progesterone Testing-suspects progesterone issues.

2/15/12- 5/9/12-Stop trying and start new charting method (Creighton) to watch for hormone imbalance.