Friday, December 3, 2010

A week away...

If you don't want to read negativity or sadness...then don't read this post.
I'm sorry but this is my blog, and I'll write what I want.
It is my place to heal, to recover, and to vent out my frustration.

I am a week away from the day I was due to bring a baby into this world. But yet, I'm not. I have an empty uterus and a broken heart. I know that the next week or so, I will be very much a shell of a person...functioning on autopilot, getting away with bare minimums.

I feel like my heart is broken. I feel like I need to take a vacation...and get away from it all.

It kills me going into work every day seeing the kids and knowing that I SHOULD be getting ready to have a baby, be HUGE, and going on maternity leave soon. But I'm not.

I feel so broken. I feel like I don't know what to say or do to make it better. I'm taking herbal supplements to help with my mood, and it really does help....its just hard to function when I know I am not welcoming a baby.

My cycle is due to start Dec 11th...the day after my due date....I don't know what kind of irony that is, but I don't like it ONE bit.

This month's posts probably wont be pretty...but I need to get through this..the only way I know how

I want to be pregnant again...with a fierceness that consumes my very soul.


Post a Comment

Our Journey towards Making a Family

Long Version : Our Journey Blog Post
Go here to learn about how we got our start..and where we are now!

Short Version:
11-28-2008- Started Dating

2-14-2010- Got Engaged :)

4-3-2010- First Positive Test- Baby 1 due 12/10/10

5-1-2010- Miscarriage at 8wks2days

12-10-2010- Estimated Due Date for Baby 1

5-5-2011- Second Positive Test- Baby 2 due 1-12-12
5-7-2011- We are Married!! :)
5-14-2011- Miscarriage at 5wks2days

6-16-2011- Repeated Pregnancy Loss blood work
6-23-2011- HSG looks good!
6-23-2011- dx positive ANA- Anti Nuclear Antibodies

07-05-2011- Rheumatologist Appointment
7-11-2011- dx Low Vitamin D levels. Start Prescription Vitamin D and baby aspirin

09/2011- Officially No Longer Preventing

10/5/11-First cycle Actively Trying. AF shows up

11/21/11-Celiac Bloodwork Negative, Vit D still lower than normal, start another prescription. Continue prenatals with Vit. D as well

01-12-12-Estimated Due Date for Baby 2
01/12-Vit D in normal range, start over the counter Daily Calcium with Vit D supplement per Rhuematologist.

2/15/12-Appt with new Ob who is more proactive with Progesterone Testing-suspects progesterone issues.

2/15/12- 5/9/12-Stop trying and start new charting method (Creighton) to watch for hormone imbalance.