Tres Anos! (Three Years!) in Pictures.

A tribute to my husband and I in celebration of 3 years together. I couldn't imagine this life with anyone else.  We've been through so much. I couldn't even put it all to words. Good and bad, happy and sad, I love you forever Nicholas Albright! SO very much.

Our first picture together, November 28, 2008

Our Family <3 November 28, 2008

1st Valentines Day Feb 2009

New Years 2010

2010

Our Engagement. Valentine's Day 2010

<3 May 7, 2011 <3

Now :)

Step One...Remove Foot from Mouth

Unfortunately, I am one of THOSE people.

I tend to say stupid things sometimes, most of the time without ever meaning to.

I don't know why but for whatever reason, there are days, times and moments where I lack a filter. I say really stupid stuff without thinking first about what I'm saying, who it could hurt or how it could be interpreted.

The crazy part is, is that whenever I do say something, I always realize it afterwards. Most of the time, I just worded it wrong.

I have this incessant need to fill silence. Sometimes, in trying to do that, I say stupid things.

I also get nervous when I am put on the spot. So sometimes, when a conversation turns to me, I verbal vomit and later, realize I probably sounded one fry short of a happy meal.

I also tend to say things when I'm frustrated that I don't mean. Most of that is normal though, I think?

When my emotions are high, I either lack words or have a ton of them (see this blog post), the moral of the story is, I'm sorry that sometimes, I lack common sense.

For ANYONE I could have ever hurt with ANYTHING I have ever said, I am truly and deeply sorry. I am working on this whole foot in mouth/common sense thing. I really am.

Please accept my apologies, and know that I try to be the best person I know how. I don't need more enemies in my life. I have very few friends as it is.

To my friends, I love you all. Thank you for being there, when I'm at my best, but even more so when I'm at my worst.

To my husband- I love you more than I ever thought possible. You are my world. Thank you for putting up with me and helping me, but most of all for being patient with me when I get hit with a dose of foot in mouth disease. Thank you for loving me.

Music to Remind Me to Breath....

I am coming out of lurkdom for a few seconds because I've had quite a few things happen to me, that kind of woke me up a bit...

I'm feeling a lot better. My husband and I talked about the fact that we definitely believed in God and we are still praying..and a good friend helped me remember that it was okay to be angry at him and that he could take it. If you are reading this, Thank You. I do plan to call you sometime soon, I've just been distracted. Then when I remember it's too late.

I've always had a huge connection to music. You could preach at me for an hour and a half and it won't register and then you sing one worship song and it will touch my soul and have me crying.  I spent a long time in prayer last night. I was angry at God and told him so. I told him I wanted a specific sign that I, my relationship, EVERYTHING was going to be okay.

We got in the car and opened the mail to a beautiful, thoughtful card from a dear friend....with a butterfly on the front. The well thought, heartfelt message made me cry and the fact that she took the time to send a card and check on us..I can't even tell you. I didn't even tell her what was going on with us...she saw it on here. I love that she reached out to us in that way. It meant the world.

Then, as we were driving back home from running a few errands we passed an old abandoned store front. This store front is in the middle of our town. We drive past it constantly! But today I happened to look over at the storefront. There, in the window, was a sign. It just said,

It Can Get Better.

Wow. Okay, yeah I'm listening. I don't know what God has in store for us, but I have to believe there is purpose in all of this and that he is holding us in his arms.  Later tonight I stumbled across a blog with some music...it just resonated with me. It brought me back to that sign. I don't know what his plan is...but from here on out I need to remember, It can get better!  I will leave you with some youtube songs that I've needed lately.

Guest Post and a Give Away!

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Our Journey

Nick and I met and started dating on November 28, 2008.

Nick was working full time in Dillsburg and I was working in a childcare facility in Maryland. I quit my job in Maryland and began working at a Daycare in York City to be closer to him.We moved in together in February of 2009. Or I should say, I moved into his Mom's house, with him.
 We moved into our first apartment together in June of 2009, and our furbaby Lexi, came with us!

We lived in an expensive, TINY one bedroom apartment in Mechanicsburg.

A picture I took from our balcony at the apartment after a snow storm.

Nick and I both started New Jobs after our move. Nick continued to work part time at Dillsburg and also started working full time as a paramedic in the West Shore Area. In August of 2009, I started work full time as a Head Start preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. We got Engaged on February 14, 2010. It was amazing and is still one of my favorite memories.

 We found out we were expecting our first baby in late March/Early April 2010.  We went on our first REAL trip/vacation in Mid April 2010, with our best friends, who are now engaged...to each other!

I miscarried for the first time on May 1, 2010. I was 8 weeks and 2 days along. The baby was due December 10, 2010.

In June of 2010, Nick and I moved yet again, this time to Carlisle. Nick transferred EMS stations and I VERY happily transferred classrooms. We love our spacious condo. Unfortunately, we had to leave Lexi with my Mom, as our new place does not allow pets. The move to Carlisle was good for both of us. We were less stressed, saving money and enjoying our new place. We were able to start wedding planning!

The view from our Condo :)

That summer was a hard one for Nick and I. After I miscarried, my grandmother passed away. Then, my dad was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident on Father's day. He barely survived and was very close to losing his leg. He is still mourning the loss of his girlfriend, Nicole, who was killed in that accident. We miss her terribly. While in NJ dealing with my father's accident, Nick's grandfather passed away.

Dad and Nicole. May she rest in Peace

Coming back from that tragic span of time was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I did it though, with lots of support from Nick, friends and family, and a few therapy sessions. It was really hard on Nick too, although he tries to stay strong for me, I know he struggles with feeling that everything feels so unfair.

On May 5th, 2011 Nick and I were surprised to find that we were pregnant again! I was very sick and we tried to believe that this pregnancy would stick.On May 7, 2011, Nick and I were married on an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day in an even more beautiful ceremony. I was sick and exhausted but enjoyed every minute! It will always be a favorite memory, obviously.

 On Friday the 13th, just six days later, I received a call from the doctor's office. My test results were back and I was indeed pregnant but my levels were very low and I was to prepare myself to miscarry.
On Saturday, May 14th, 2011, just a week after my marriage started, another pregnancy ended.

This time I was only 5 weeks and 2 days along, the baby was due January 12, 2012. With a second miscarriage, came doctor's appointments. (TMI Ahead, just warning you now...)  We were instructed to wait to try again until after 2 cycles had passed, to give my body time to heal. I have since had a ton of blood work done, and a procedure called an HSG. The HSG went great. My uterus looks great other than being slightly tipped forward, and my  fallopian tubes are a little thin. It wasn't painful really just uncomfortable and a little cramping on and off today.

My bloodwork on the other hand...not so much. It all came back normal...except for one test. One test came back positive for ANA -Antinuclear Antibodies.  This is almost certainly the cause of my miscarriages. It basically means that there is something going on with my Auto Immune System...It could be lupus or a host of other things, such as a clotting disorder...but basically the doctor thinks that my body is attacking my pregnancies like it would a splinter. It thinks it doesn't belong.

I have an appointment to see a rheumatologist on July 5th.  My hope is that with some medication and constant monitoring, we will eventually get our take home baby.

We are struggling emotionally. We are having trouble understanding why. Our faith is definitely not very strong...We know how blessed we are to have what we have...but being so blessed sometimes ends up being a very painful reminder of the one thing you're without.  We know that there is a plan in place...and it's just getting there....

I am very grateful to have my home, a loving and supportive husband, and a great family. Without that I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do. But please keep us in your prayers that we find a solution.
I will update this as we learn more...
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!